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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25727638">trying.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kauket_616/pseuds/kauket_616'>kauket_616</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>neil josten is real. [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>All For The Game - Nora Sakavic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, M/M, Neil Josten is Not Fine, Self-Doubt, but he's trying ok, neil josten and his never-ending issues ft andrew and his never-ending patience for one (1) man</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:53:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>802</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25727638</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kauket_616/pseuds/kauket_616</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Neil hasn’t been home in three days. He hasn’t been to practice in three days. He hasn’t seen Andrew in three days.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>neil josten is real. [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1057811</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>110</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>trying.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>aha. my bad y'all. this has been sitting in my drafts for like a year.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Neil hasn’t been home in three days. He hasn’t been to practice in three days. <strike>He hasn’t seen Andrew in three days.</strike> Wymack has banned him from the court until he gets a full eight hours. In spite of all that, he can’t find it in himself to close his eyes and sleep, sleep, <em> sleep.  </em></p>
<p>He’s afraid. Afraid of what his mind might dream up, what dark little notions in the back of his head will niggle themselves to the forefront of consciousness. He thinks it can’t be worse than hurting Andrew. Than making his voice take on that begging quality that he’d never heard before but the Wesninski in him just had to drag out.</p>
<p>Neil takes a lot of showers. They keep him awake; the harsh, cold beads giving him that desperate shot of adrenaline that saves him from himself. It doesn’t save him from Andrew though, who is waiting on the couch after Neil’s third shower of the day.</p>
<p>He suspects Andrew picked the lock.</p>
<p>“Andrew.”</p>
<p>“Neil.”</p>
<p>“You’re here.” He pauses. “Why?”</p>
<p>Neil didn’t expect this, Andrew coming here. He isn’t sure if it's a lack of sleep or perception. </p>
<p>“I could ask you the same. Taking a walk down memory lane?”</p>
<p>“No,” he pauses, swallows. “Just figuring some stuff out.”</p>
<p>Betsy says this wouldn’t last forever, even though it felt like it would. He isn’t sure he believes her. But he wants to.</p>
<p>“And you couldn’t do that at home?”</p>
<p><em> Home. </em> Home is a person, not a place to Neil. He wonders if Andrew knows that. He wonders if he’s really asking, <em> You couldn’t do this with me? </em> And then Neil bats that thought away with a flare of irritation because, no, of course, he’s not asking that. Andrew made it clear what they were from the beginning and Neil is the one dazed and confused. <em> Idiot.  </em></p>
<p>“No.” Andrew seems to be waiting for more of a response but that is all Neil is prepared to give.</p>
<p>“You look like shit.”</p>
<p>“I haven’t been sleeping well.”<strike> Or at all.</strike> This is a truth he can offer because it is obvious.</p>
<p>Andrew hums then goes to Wymacks window, cracks it, lights a cigarette. Neil doesn’t move from his spot against the wall. He wants to and he doesn’t. It does not matter what he wants. He wants dangerous, impossible things.</p>
<p>“You're not fine.”</p>
<p>“I’m not.”</p>
<p>“You’ve been not fine for a while.”</p>
<p>Neil nods because it was news to him a few days ago. </p>
<p>“Come back, Abram.”</p>
<p><em> Neil Abram Josten. </em>It's a reminder. It feels like a lie.</p>
<p>His voice cracks with want. “I can’t.”</p>
<p>“You can and you will.”</p>
<p>His jaw tightens and he wants and he <em> craves. </em><strike>It is not fair.</strike></p>
<p>He can’t quite meet Andrew’s eyes.</p>
<p>“What has spooked the rabbit, I wonder.”</p>
<p>“Myself,” Neil forced the truth out through gritted teeth. </p>
<p>Andrew looked at him and Neil knew that he saw too much <strike>or maybe not enough.</strike></p>
<p>“I do not fear you.”</p>
<p>“You should.”</p>
<p>“It would be a waste of time.”</p>
<p>A flare of petty anger. “Betsy said you would say something like that.”</p>
<p>
  <strike>I have been off doing things you never dreamed I would do.</strike>
</p>
<p>His only reaction is a slow blink. “The rabbit has learned new tricks.”</p>
<p>“I’m trying.” <strike>Tell me it’s not enough.</strike><br/>“I will give you three options.”</p>
<p>“Andrew--.”</p>
<p>“I will not repeat myself.”</p>
<p>Neil falls silent. Andrew will be heard, if nothing else.</p>
<p>“One. Stay here alone and wallow in your misery.” He pauses to take a drag.</p>
<p>“Two. Come home and sleep. Three. Call your foxes and we will watch you sleep here.”</p>
<p>“I can’t go home.”<strike> Home is where I hurt you. Home is where it started.</strike></p>
<p>“Not today, no.” He flicks the stub out the window. “So choose. I will not ask again.”</p>
<p>#</p>
<p>The phone is ringing and ringing and he regrets not choosing option one.</p>
<p>Allison answers and she says his name like he’s her favorite person in the world. </p>
<p>He clears his throat, nervous for all the wrong reasons. “Team sleepover at Coach’s?”</p>
<p>There is a long beat of silence. Andrew is now close enough to snatch the phone out of his hand.</p>
<p>“He asked a question.”</p>
<p>Andrew hummed a response before hanging up.</p>
<p>“They are on the way.”</p>
<p>#</p>
<p>Andrew’s eyes are closed when he says, “Tomorrow we will talk with Betsy. Yes or no?”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“Because there is more. Something you aren’t saying.”</p>
<p>“There isn’t.”</p>
<p>His eyes open. “There is. Whether you admit it to yourself or not.”</p>
<p>“Why does Betsy need to be there?”<br/>Hazel eyes cut to blue. “To prevent me from killing you after what comes out of your lying, martyr mouth.”</p>
<p>The doorbell rings and rings like a good omen.</p>
<p>“Yes or no, Abram?”</p>
<p>He breathes deep and true. “Yes.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>next time on dbz: neil, andrew, and the good doctor</p></blockquote></div></div>
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